back from hiatus

Wow, time flies. It’s been almost 6 months since I last updated this blog.

My baby boy is almost 10 months young now, weighing at least 12kg. And he has grown to be such a gorgeous boy! I know every parent is bias when it comes to their children but…this baby boy of mine is such as traffic stopper WHEREVER he goes. And it really gets on my nerve when strangers started whipping out their phone and take his photos without permission.

In Thailand, there is this trend where people worship ‘haunted dolls” by the name of Look Thep. It was said that people who worship such dolls will be blessed with abundance of wealth. So one day we brought baby Han to a play group, he was spotted by a lady in the lift and upon laying eyes on him, she got so excited and started screaming literary because he look like a living Look Thep. She then took out her phone and snap a photo of baby Han… with FLASH!

I was furious! So I asked her why did she take the photo (yes I can now converse in Thai), and she just smile and said ‘because he is cute’. *Facepalm

His dad was as proud as a peacock.

And me, pissed as hell.

End of today’s update. Stay tuned for more. I’ll make sure it won’t be another 6 months before I update this blog hahahahaha…

Look Thep
Look Thep


My baby

baby at 4 months

Baby Han is 4 months old now! How time flies! He is measuring at 64 cm tall and weight 8.8kg. He is considered a big baby for his age. But as long as he is growing healthily, I have nothing to complain and worry about :)

At 4 months, he can now recognize faces and loves flashing us his big smile whenever he wakes up from his sleep and during play time. He can also hold his own water bottle and loves to drink water. Perhaps its refreshing and taste different from his milk. He is also practicing his hand movements and understand that he has control over his little hands. Its a funny sight to see when he pushes his bottles away with his hands when he actually wanted to drink his milk.

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He couldn’t crawl yet but he likes to stand on his 2 feet. Of cause we don’t put weight on this feet when we carry him while letting his feed touch the ground.
He also loves to sit up instead of laying down nowadays. And watching TV has become his favorite thing to do instead of browsing through his books. Maybe I just need to be more animated when I read him his storybook.

It’s such a blessing to have him in our lives :D

The truth

Loving someone is not the same as being in love with someone.

The truth hurts. But it can set you free.

About motherhood

Time flies! Another 18 days before my maternity leave ends and off I go back to the corporate world.

The past 2 months has been a roller coaster ride. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration if I say that there has been a lot of blood, sweat, tears.

Motherhood isn’t easy. Especially for a new mother like myself who isn’t familiar with taking care of babies, doesn’t have a lot of support here in Bangkok and have been a bit terrified of babies.

I’d teared a lot in the beginning. I couldn’t differentiate between day and night, I didn’t rest and ate on time, which resulted in breastfeeding problem. Those days, I felt like giving up and often find myself reminiscing the good old days when I was carefree and single.

It was so confusing as well, with various opinions from various sources. Do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that. I know that people mean well and experience mother tend to be enthusiastic about passing on parenting skills. But the fact is, there is no one master manual in parenting because every baby is different.

I am very glad that I went with my instinct coupled with advice from BabyCenter. I picked up my baby the moment he starts crying, I rock him to sleep in my arms among other things that experience mothers said not to do. I mean why shouldn’t I? Babies deserved love and care. Why do we deprive them of all that just so we can have more sleeping hours?

I am glad I follow my instinct. Made me feel like a million bucks when my little man recognizes my voice, speak to me in baby language and look me in the eye and smile when he wakes up.

So far I think I have done helluva good job as a mom. After all, I have with me a happy little boy :D

This makes everything worthwhile.

about breastfeeding

Before little Jorgito was born, I’ve always wanted a natural birth so that my breast milk would come right after delivery to breast feed little Jorgito. In fact, I felt very strongly about feeding baby with breast milk for the first few months due to the nutrition it provides .

Then little Jorgito was born through c section and my worst nightmare came true.

In the first 3 days while I was recovering in the hospital. My nipple was so bruised and sore due to constant squeezing and sucking. We later found out that little Jorgito was not able to latch properly because he has tongue tied. Which causes much pain to my nipple when he sucked them. However, thank God the pediatrician found out earlier and we were able to let the doctor perform a small surgery to fix the issue. But that’s another story all together.

Some of my friends even told me to prepare formula for bottle feed because milk supply will be low on the first few days. I didn’t listen because I wanted so much to breast feed. But the reality was that I only managed to produce little colostrum no matter how hard I tried to squeeze my poor nipples.

The first couple of weeks was tough. Not able to breastfeed worsen my baby blues. I feel so frustrated and guilty because I couldn’t breastfeed my son. And the more encouragement I get from people around me, the worse I felt.

After a few weeks, I resigned to the fact that I just couldn’t produce enough breast milk. The circumstances doesn’t help either. I wasn’t drinking enough water, wasn’t eating enough and I didn’t get the much needed rest.

I was a train wreck.

A month and a half later, after talking to people who couldn’t breastfeed due to unforeseen circumstance, I realized that being a mother is more than breast feeding and I’ve been so hard on myself that I completely neglected the fact that being a mother is also about providing love and care for my son. I did a lousy job in the first month because I was so fixated about breastfeeding I accumulated so much frustration and did not enjoy being a mother.

So I stopped.

And when I stopped squeezing the damn milk out of me, I was able to rest a little bit more, amuse myself with musings on the internet and I fell in love with my son all over again.

I am not by any means discouraging breastfeeding. Some moms had it easy, some has more will power than me to keep trying.

I just couldn’t do it…

I just hope that my formula fed baby will grow up to be a healthy boy.

The arrival of baby Han

Whoah! This update has taken almost a month for completion in between feeding time, diaper change, washing bottles, doing laundry, cooking lunch, dinner …etc etc

It’s been almost a month since little Jorgito’s arrival. And the past 1 month has been a crazy roller coaster ride for me emotionally.

The truth is, there is absolutely nothing that can prepare you for motherhood. And once that reality of having a baby right in front of you hits you, it hits hard and suddenly you are in constant battle with yourself on the decision you have made and you would be constantly questioning if you are ever gonna pull through motherhood.

To backtrack a little bit on the arrival of little Jorgito. 23rd Jan was supposed to be the due date of our baby. On 22nd Jan, I still have not felt any contraction or any signs that I would be going into labor the next 24 hours. Anxious, I went to bed at 3am that day. Despite having a doctors appointment at 8am the next morning.

We slept through our alarm clock. When I was awaken by the bright ray of sunlight that morning, I literally sprung out of bed at a few minutes passed 8am. My hubby suggested that we postponed our checkup but I was adamant to have it done that morning. So we grabbed my hospital bag, called the hospital to postpone the checkup to 9am and rushed to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was ordered to sit in a wheel chair and was wheeled to the labor room. I was then connected to a machine to check baby’s heartbeat and my contraction. My doctor came and performed a cervix checkup. To my dismay, my cervix was still very much closed. The doctor gave us an option to wait for another week or to go for c section on that day.

We choose the latter after a brief discussion. 2 hours later I was in the operating room and little Jorgito came out 15 mins later. Wailing at the top of his lungs, looking oh-so-adorable when the nurses showed him to me at the operating table.

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Ever since little’s Jorgito’s arrival, I’ve been in a wind whirl of emotion…

What can I say… I wasn’t prepared at all for motherhood. Despite consciously aware that I was carrying a baby for 9 months, anticipating the arrival of baby with baby showers, shopping for baby stuff etc etc…

The first week or baby’s arrival was a major blow to me. I was frustrated because I didn’t produced enough breast milk (and still didn’t up till today), I was agitated with my c section wound because I couldn’t move and do much, not to mention that I couldn’t adjust to the new addition in our life. I didn’t have enough confident to hold the baby, even though I love him dearly, the constant feeding, waking up every 2 hours and the confinement blues led me to a complete meltdown. I didn’t know how to deal with it other than crying my heart out again and again.

There were moments where I felt like giving up. The change was too much for me to handle…I looked at my son and it hit me that he is a lifetime commitment, from now onwards I will be forever worry about his well being, he would become my priority while the rest of my life and my husband takes a backseat. I wasn’t sure if that was what I could dealt with. But fortunately I have a very patient and supportive husband beside me.

The baby blues wore off after 2 weeks. But I was physically very tired..and I was hit by another wave of emotional roller coaster which turned me into a bitchy monster.

My husband said I was nicer, calmer and sweet when I was pregnant. The more I tried to fight the bitch in me, the bitchier I become. So I took a step back to analyze why was I so bitchy esp towards my husband, the man I love so dearly…

I realize that I was angry… Because our relationship has taken a backseat since little Jorgito’s arrival. I was angry because I still had to lift many fingers doing housework when I was supposed to be resting and recuperating from my operation. I was angry because of my backache, and the joins in my fingers where hurting like mad. I was angry because of my disgustingly looking belly and stretch marks. I was angry because I expect my husband to help me more without me asking…

And a lot of time, I am just angry for the sake of being angry.

It’s almost a month now since little Jorgito’s arrival. I am still adjusting to him, to our new life…Honestly I don’t know how on earth are we going to manage after my maternity leave ends. There are a lot of challengers ahead that’s for sure. From time to time just had to keep reminding myself that I am blessed to have such a beautiful baby and a loving husband. And I have to do whatever it takes to keep us together.

2 more days to go

Or not?!

According to calculation, my little man is due to arrive on 23rd Jan. But as of last Sunday’s visit to the hospital, my cervix is still very much closed and baby is still floating though he is already in head down position.

Baby was 3.1 kg and I still have enough amniotic fluid to support him. The doctor suggest to do another thorough check this Friday and we can then decide if we want to wait or perform c section.

I feel pretty good this week. Maybe because my maternity leave has started and I am more relax at home. My heartburn has subsided tremendously which could only mean that I’m experiencing the ‘lighting’ effect where baby has further dropped to the birth cannel. If this is true then it would be great because I really want to experience natural birth.

My belly is still expending at week 40. And my stretch mark has mushroomed to the side of my belly :(
But that’s alright, as long as my baby is healthy nothing else matters.

Gosh! I can’t believe I am gonna be a mom. Never in my life had I imagine this ever happening to me. Many asked me if I am ready… Honestly I am not because being a first time mom, it’s hard for me to anticipate anything. But I can do my best to raise my son based on the life experience that I have and whatever information that is available to me.

So yeah, hopefully everything goes well with the delivery :D

Hello 2015

2 weeks break is ending tonight, and it’s back to work tomorrow. Monday blues is kicking in. Need to start working on prepping the new Digital Manager and setting work plan and 2015 KPI for the digital team. Hopefully I can get these all done before I go on maternity leave on 20 Jan.

There is much to look forward to for 2015.

My little man is due to arrive on 23 Jan. Growing up, I had a rocky relationship with my parents. I figure that’s because they both comes from a big family and did not inherit a lot of parenting skills from my grandparents. I wasn’t a happy child growing up, which resulted in a void in the relationship department which I so wanted to fill with all the wrong men.

But that said, I am not prepared to spoil my son rotten. There will be no lack of affection for him that’s for sure. But I will also teach him how to earn his keeps, how be a good man, a feminist, a hard worker, an honest and most importantly the law of karma. haha!

I didn’t get to travel much in 2014 due to the pregnancy. There are so many hidden gems to be explored in Thailand itself…not forgetting Japan, Korea, Tibet and Nepal. Many said that once the baby arrive it would be harder to travel. But I really don’t mind traveling with my baby son. Also, we have planned to visit Mexico end of 2015. Fingers crossed for that.

Learning a new language at my age is a killer. I’ve tried to learn Thai by enrolling in a language school, and yet only managed to speak very basic Thai to taxi driver. This year, I’ve made up my mind to learn Spanish. So I can understand what my husband says to my son as well as to have a decent conversation with my mother in law when we visit Mexico :D

So that’s it! My resolution for 2015. And now, I have to sleep and get ready for first day of work tomorrow.

Good bye 2014

2014 has been a good year for me overall. Just the other day, I was telling hubby how I couldn’t remember any significant event that happened in 2014. Probably due to pregnancy absent-mindedness. But when I scroll through my photo album in my iPhone, actually a lot of things did happened in 2014. So here’s a recap..

January
- Went to Nakhon Pathom with Hubby for a weekend exploration. Took a minivan from was dropped off the highway in the middle of nowhere but we somehow managed to find our way to a very beautiful temple complex and was blessed by a monk in the cave. That was quite an adventure.

February
- Went to Hua Hin with Hubby for a weekend getaway. Had a good time there exploring the little town. And had lobster for the first time :D

- On our way back from Hua Hin, we stopped at a boat noodle shop near Victory Monument. It was ok, not sure why people are raving about the boat noodles. Maybe its the fun of piling up 10+ empty bowls of noodles for Instagram.

March
- Went to Samut Songkram for team building. Fell sick and had fever during the trip. Felt so bad for missing out the workshop.

- Opened Sabroso Town in Town, Tree Square. So excited for hubby!

April
- Accompanied Hubby to KL and indulged in roti and teh tarik. Bliss…

- Went to Kota Kinabalu for iMedia Summit, met up with my best friend and colleagues from Malaysia and Indonesia.

- Went to Chengdu, Jiuzaigou for FAM trip. Took China Air and flew over mountain of snow. Never seen anything so beautiful like this before.

May
- Went to Singapore for FB Digital Conference.

- 2nd team building in Pattaya.

- Found out I was 2 months pregnant after 2 home pregnancy test, got all the jitters and didn’t know what to do…But had my heart melted after seeing the little man on sonogram. And we decided to get married and be good parents to little Jorgito.

June
- Participated in Chilli cook off during America’s Independence day with Hubby and won 2nd price for People’s choice award. So proud of hubby!

July
- Went back to Malaysia to collect my single status of declaration and met up with my best friend and had Indian feast in my favorite restaurant.

- Made Nasi lemak for the first time haha

August
Went to Hong Kong with hubby.

September
- mmm… nothing significant happened.

October
- Had a simple but meaningful wedding dinner at Sabroso. Attended by our close friends and family members.

- After months of running around Bangkok between Malaysia & Mexican Embassy, Ministry of Foreign Affairs Thailand, We managed to register our marriage.

- Sabroso move out of Tree Square at the end of Oct. Was a sad day but also relieved that we will be able to move on and start something new in a better location.

November
- Went back to Batu Pahat with Hubby to attend my brother’s wedding.

- Had baby shower for my little Jorgito with our friends in KL

- Found a Indonesian restaurant at Sukhumvit and fell in love with the Nasi Ayam Bakar and sirap ice. Gosh I missed Indonesian food!

December
- Started Sabroso in Sukhumvit 23

- Very heavily pregnant with little Jorgiro at week 37.

So, 2014 wasn’t that bad after all :)

33 weeks pregnancy update

33 weeks pregnant
33 weeks pregnant

Another 7 weeks to go before Jorgito’s arrival and boy are we excited! We have got almost all the baby stuff ready, except for a stroller and his bath tub. (I think…)

At this point, baby is moving all time time, very rapidly. I can feel his little foot and his little hand, I can feel him tossing and turning. Sometimes, it can hurt. Most of the time, it’s just plain cute. And I am just so grateful that he is developing normally. He is now 2.3KG and his heartbeat is normal. The doctor said that by the time he is ready to be born, he should be at 3kg, which is not too big a baby to be born naturally.

I’ve also started packing my hospital bag. After hearing the tales of my colleagues giving birth at 32 weeks and 34 weeks respectively. It kinda freak me out a bit…But I have a feeling that Jorgito is gonna be a full term baby, enjoying his time in my womb till week 40. My husband is a bit panicky because we don’t drive and he worries if my water broke in the middle of the night and if we couldn’t get a taxi to send us to the hospital.

So far, I have not had any spotting nor contractions. But it’s getting harder to have a good night sleep these days…My heartburn is getting worst…Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night while a foul stench of stomach acid in my mouth and nostril.

Other than that, I am easily agitated nowadays. Especially with with people who talk too much, who talks too loud, who ask too many stupid questions and who give too much opinion about whether or not I will observe the 30 days confinement after Jorgito is born.

So yeah, that’s all for now. Till next time, adios!

Letter to my little Jorgito

Hello my dear son, I am your mother. And you are in my belly for 29 weeks now. You are 1.2 kg now and you are growing at a normal and healthy rate. I can feel your kicks more frequent now, what an active baby you are!

I never thought I am the kind of girl who would get married, settle down, let alone having a baby. Your arrival came as a wonderful surprise and because of you, I get to experience the most wonderful gift a woman can have. You made everything so easy for me, I didn’t have any morning sickness, and you didn’t complain when I had to clock in many extra hours other than my day job to help out at the restaurant, serving customers, cleaning tables…

You are a special baby who will bring much joy to so many people, especially mine. I pray that you will come to this world without much difficulty. But if you do, I promise you that I will do my best to face any challenges for you to have you arrive safely to this wonderful world.

I want you to know that I love you very much. I will do whatever I can to guide you, protect you and at the same time teach you how to be independent. I hope you will be kind, honest, brave and driven towards what you want to achieve in life.

I also want you to know that I love your papa very much. He is my thunder buddy, my soul mate and my best friend. Your papa is a good man. I have never met a man who is as positive and has such fighting spirit as your papa. I am sure you have inherited that trait from him too.

I want you to know that we love you very much and we can’t wait to meet you. We will have so much fun together learning about each other, helping each other grow into a better person.

I love you son.

XoXOXxooX
Your mama

How Jorgito look like

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A visit to the hospital has always been a happy affair because we get to see little Jorgito on ultra sound monitor.

Yesterday, during our monthly visit to the hospital, I casually asked when will we be able to see little Jorgito in 4D scan. Surprisingly the doctor said we could try but with no guarantee that the imagery will be clear if the baby is not in the right position.

But we did anyway and my husband was literally jumping with joy when he saw little Jorgito on screen because he look so much like him, especially the nose!

Now that we know how he look like, we are anticipating his arrival even more. I look forward to be his mom, give him all the tools and knowledge he require to be a good man. A man with a good and strong heart, fair, honest, driven and respects woman.

So far, his development has been very good. His growth rate and heart beat is normal. Lately he has been very active as well. I can feel his movement more frequent nowadays. Sometimes it brings me so much joy to just stare at my tummy and look at his movement.

Bring pregnant and a mother is the best experience a woman can have.

Finally ROM

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After 2 months of running around getting the documents sorted, we finally managed to register our marriage at Bang Rak district office. It was a close call and the registration attempt was almost unsuccessful because the way Malaysia Embassy translate my husband’s name in Thai was different from the way the Mexican Embassy translated it. But luckily the officer at the district office wasn’t too fussy about it. Else we would have to get the copies translated again to Thai, get the endorsement from our respective Embassy and get it endorse again by Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Thailand.

Anyway, even though we are legally married in Thai law, we would still have to register our marriage in our respective embassy to legalise our Thai marriage certificate. Which I hope would be a breeze.

Married life is….GOOD. I feel that it has strengthen our relationship, and help me become a better person, which I wouldn’t have become otherwise if I am still single.

When I was single, I didn’t care about anyone apart from my wants and needs. I was opinionated, selfish, wild, a go getter and living life the way I want it without considering how it would affect the people around me. But now, I feel that I’ve grown a lot emotionally in this past 2 years with my husband where he has helped me become a much better person.

Despite how the world would interpret my thoughts through my writing, I am just so ever grateful to the universe to have brought us together. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a man so unconditionally as I do to my husband. We have been through so much ups and downs in life, every challenges that life throws at him, I stand firmly by his side. Through his challenges, I also discovered that I am actually stronger than I thought emotionally and mentally.

Today, 16.10.2014 is the day we made a commitment to each other for better or worse. And I look forward for more years to come with him and our little Jorgito.

26 weeks pregnancy update

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My tummy is getting bigger by the day that I can’t even see my own feet when I glance down at my feet. Which is not a bad thing after all because I can’t bare to look at my feet which resembles tamales now.

Yes, it’s swollen and it hurts…

Know that I am not complaining, just stating the fact and recording my pregnancy journal. I do enjoy my pregnancy, especially when the baby starts kicking and start responding to my voice and touch (I would like to think so).

Another 2 weeks before entering my 3rd trimester which most mother-to-be would say is the toughest. I am starting to feel tired all the time. Imaging dozing off on the job haha…not a pretty sight.

Nevertheless, I really love little Jorgito and look forward to hold him in my arms real soon :D

Almost ROM

Last Saturday was another roller coaster ride in our quest to register our marriage in Thailand. After a failed attempt to register at the District office near Don Mueng airport, we (including my parents and my 2 Thai colleague who were our witness, rushed to Bang Rak district office as advised by the officers at Don Mueng District Office.

To our dismay, my fiance’s document wasn’t complete. After 2 months, when we thought we had all the documents ready, when we had our friends and family flew in to witness our ROM, a planned wedding dinner, we still didn’t managed to register due to incompetency of the Mexican Embassy.

At that moment, I broke down. There were just too much pressure… I have a registration deadline to comply with in regards to my single status statutory document and we have to legalize our marriage certification before the baby is born to be able to register him as a Malaysian and my fiancé as his father on his birth certificate.

Anyway, the show had to go on. We went ahead with our wedding dinner which we had planned a couple of week earlier and had our close friends, colleagues and family witness our ring exchange.

And today, we finally got all the documents that we need and we’ll try to register our marriage this Thursday.

Fingers crossed…

You, me and little Jorgito.

Maybe I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather, maybe its the pre-wedding jitters…my mood swing has gone yo-yo these few days.

Ultra sensitive.
Easily annoyed.
Anxiety attacks.

Finally the date is set. After 2 months, we finally got all the documents needed to register our marriage at the local town hall next Friday. But it doesn’t end there, after the registration, we would still need to get the local document translated to English and certified by the consular in our respective embassy to legitimate our marriage in our respective country.

Isn’t it funny…when we were little gals, we have been fed with the idea of the perfect wedding, the perfect proposal, the perfect prince charming. When I look at what we have arrived at, it’s a complete opposite of what has been ingrained in my programming. We have a unplanned baby on the way, no marriage proposal, no beautiful diamond ring, no pre-wedding photography and no wedding banquet.

That little gal in me cried a little.

At this juncture in my life, I reflect on my life 2 years ago when all this begun. It had never crossed my mind that I would accept a stranger in my life, go into a relationship with him, relocate to Bangkok after 10 months, and an unplanned pregnancy 7 months after and now planning on marrying him.

Crazy as it seems, at the back of my head I sometimes can’t help but wonder what if he is not what he seems to be? What if he has skeleton in his closet?

It’s scary that sometimes the person closest to us would end up being someone whom we don’t know at all. How often have we heard of a husband of someone ended up being:
- a womanizer
- abusive husband and father
- a rapist

Maybe I am paranoid, maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Dr. Phil. But we can’t discount the fact that no matter how well we think we know a person, there are bound to be something that doesn’t fall under our radar of awareness.

Anyway all that aside, I do have a lot that I can be grateful for. After numerous heartache in search for the ‘one’, the one that came unannounced knocking at my door end up being the one that completes my soul in search for higher self learning. I wouldn’t say that life with him is a bed of roses all the time. We have our disagreement and we drive each other up the wall sometimes. But somehow I know that he is the one destined for me, for now.

It is our differences that gives me the opportunity to unlearn and relearn what I’ve allowed to be programmed in my life.

In him, I see a man that I can count on not because of the long term meal tickets or material stuffs that he can provide but the fact that he never gives up no matter how many hurdles life throws at him.

In him, I see a good soul who is true to himself.

In him, I see creativity and continuous learning.

And most importantly, in him I see a good father for little Jorgito,

So no matter what the social standards and what other fairy tales might tell me, it’s now just me, him and our little Jorgito.

And that is actually…enough.