baby at 19 months

10 months has gone by since I last updated. My baby boy is 19 months now! He turned out to be quite an active boy, very tall, very charming, very cheeky, very observant and very…well…mama’s boy.

My love for him knows no bounds…there is so much that I want to say which could not be described in words. Having him is the best thing that ever happened to me.

So here’s a photo update of my baby boy. May he be blessed so abundance of love and joy as him to me.


back from hiatus

Look Thep

Wow, time flies. It’s been almost 6 months since I last updated this blog.

My baby boy is almost 10 months young now, weighing at least 12kg. And he has grown to be such a gorgeous boy! I know every parent is bias when it comes to their children but…this baby boy of mine is such as traffic stopper WHEREVER he goes. And it really gets on my nerve when strangers started whipping out their phone and take his photos without permission.

In Thailand, there is this trend where people worship ‘haunted dolls” by the name of Look Thep. It was said that people who worship such dolls will be blessed with abundance of wealth. So one day we brought baby Han to a play group, he was spotted by a lady in the lift and upon laying eyes on him, she got so excited and started screaming literary because he look like a living Look Thep. She then took out her phone and snap a photo of baby Han… with FLASH!

I was furious! So I asked her why did she take the photo (yes I can now converse in Thai), and she just smile and said ‘because he is cute’. *Facepalm

His dad was as proud as a peacock.

And me, pissed as hell.

End of today’s update. Stay tuned for more. I’ll make sure it won’t be another 6 months before I update this blog hahahahaha…

Look Thep
Look Thep

My baby

Coping with change

This is a topic that not many people talk about. In fact, I don’t think anyone ever warm me that my relationship with my husband will change after our baby’s arrival.

For the past 4 months, I felt that our marriage has deteriorate from bad to worst. At first, I thought post natal depression was the culprit. But until today, I am still unable to reconnect to how we were before the baby was born.

As the days goes by, I find it harder and harder to feel love for this man that I used to admire so much. Instead, I feel resentment for having to give so much but receive so little in return. A typical day for me goes like this.
– Wakes up at 6.30am to feed the baby, shower, do some housework and go to work at 8.30am
– Work from 9am-6pm
– Reached home at 7am, take over from the nanny. Take care of baby and put him to sleep at 9.30am (if I am lucky).
– Wakes up at 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am to feed the baby.

My husband asked me, why don’t I pamper him like I used to?
The fact is, I am tired.
And I am angry.

Tired because I have a 9-6 job, I am a mother and a wife.

Angry because I don’t feel appreciated. I am expected to do all of the above and on top of that support his restaurant business. I am angry because I have to clean after him. I am angry because I don’t have savings. I am angry because he couldn’t even buy a card for me on Mother’s Day. And the fact that he is so oblivious to the subject presented, and think he has done such a good job compare to other men.

This morning, my bestie asked me, If I see myself growing old with him? If we share the same interest and outlook towards life?

I used to think we can grow old together, I used to think we see the same direction…but now I am not so sure. And today, I don’t even feel like going home.

But that’s not an option. Because I miss my baby, who is the world to me.

Do I think we can work it out? Honestly I don’t know.

Only time will tell.

baby at 4 months

Baby Han is 4 months old now! How time flies! He is measuring at 64 cm tall and weight 8.8kg. He is considered a big baby for his age. But as long as he is growing healthily, I have nothing to complain and worry about 🙂

At 4 months, he can now recognize faces and loves flashing us his big smile whenever he wakes up from his sleep and during play time. He can also hold his own water bottle and loves to drink water. Perhaps its refreshing and taste different from his milk. He is also practicing his hand movements and understand that he has control over his little hands. Its a funny sight to see when he pushes his bottles away with his hands when he actually wanted to drink his milk.


He couldn’t crawl yet but he likes to stand on his 2 feet. Of cause we don’t put weight on this feet when we carry him while letting his feed touch the ground.
He also loves to sit up instead of laying down nowadays. And watching TV has become his favorite thing to do instead of browsing through his books. Maybe I just need to be more animated when I read him his storybook.

It’s such a blessing to have him in our lives 😀

The arrival of baby Han

Whoah! This update has taken almost a month for completion in between feeding time, diaper change, washing bottles, doing laundry, cooking lunch, dinner …etc etc

It’s been almost a month since little Jorgito’s arrival. And the past 1 month has been a crazy roller coaster ride for me emotionally.

The truth is, there is absolutely nothing that can prepare you for motherhood. And once that reality of having a baby right in front of you hits you, it hits hard and suddenly you are in constant battle with yourself on the decision you have made and you would be constantly questioning if you are ever gonna pull through motherhood.

To backtrack a little bit on the arrival of little Jorgito. 23rd Jan was supposed to be the due date of our baby. On 22nd Jan, I still have not felt any contraction or any signs that I would be going into labor the next 24 hours. Anxious, I went to bed at 3am that day. Despite having a doctors appointment at 8am the next morning.

We slept through our alarm clock. When I was awaken by the bright ray of sunlight that morning, I literally sprung out of bed at a few minutes passed 8am. My hubby suggested that we postponed our checkup but I was adamant to have it done that morning. So we grabbed my hospital bag, called the hospital to postpone the checkup to 9am and rushed to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was ordered to sit in a wheel chair and was wheeled to the labor room. I was then connected to a machine to check baby’s heartbeat and my contraction. My doctor came and performed a cervix checkup. To my dismay, my cervix was still very much closed. The doctor gave us an option to wait for another week or to go for c section on that day.

We choose the latter after a brief discussion. 2 hours later I was in the operating room and little Jorgito came out 15 mins later. Wailing at the top of his lungs, looking oh-so-adorable when the nurses showed him to me at the operating table.


Ever since little’s Jorgito’s arrival, I’ve been in a wind whirl of emotion…

What can I say… I wasn’t prepared at all for motherhood. Despite consciously aware that I was carrying a baby for 9 months, anticipating the arrival of baby with baby showers, shopping for baby stuff etc etc…

The first week or baby’s arrival was a major blow to me. I was frustrated because I didn’t produced enough breast milk (and still didn’t up till today), I was agitated with my c section wound because I couldn’t move and do much, not to mention that I couldn’t adjust to the new addition in our life. I didn’t have enough confident to hold the baby, even though I love him dearly, the constant feeding, waking up every 2 hours and the confinement blues led me to a complete meltdown. I didn’t know how to deal with it other than crying my heart out again and again.

There were moments where I felt like giving up. The change was too much for me to handle…I looked at my son and it hit me that he is a lifetime commitment, from now onwards I will be forever worry about his well being, he would become my priority while the rest of my life and my husband takes a backseat. I wasn’t sure if that was what I could dealt with. But fortunately I have a very patient and supportive husband beside me.

The baby blues wore off after 2 weeks. But I was physically very tired..and I was hit by another wave of emotional roller coaster which turned me into a bitchy monster.

My husband said I was nicer, calmer and sweet when I was pregnant. The more I tried to fight the bitch in me, the bitchier I become. So I took a step back to analyze why was I so bitchy esp towards my husband, the man I love so dearly…

I realize that I was angry… Because our relationship has taken a backseat since little Jorgito’s arrival. I was angry because I still had to lift many fingers doing housework when I was supposed to be resting and recuperating from my operation. I was angry because of my backache, and the joins in my fingers where hurting like mad. I was angry because of my disgustingly looking belly and stretch marks. I was angry because I expect my husband to help me more without me asking…

And a lot of time, I am just angry for the sake of being angry.

It’s almost a month now since little Jorgito’s arrival. I am still adjusting to him, to our new life…Honestly I don’t know how on earth are we going to manage after my maternity leave ends. There are a lot of challengers ahead that’s for sure. From time to time just had to keep reminding myself that I am blessed to have such a beautiful baby and a loving husband. And I have to do whatever it takes to keep us together.

33 weeks pregnancy update

33 weeks pregnant
33 weeks pregnant

Another 7 weeks to go before Jorgito’s arrival and boy are we excited! We have got almost all the baby stuff ready, except for a stroller and his bath tub. (I think…)

At this point, baby is moving all time time, very rapidly. I can feel his little foot and his little hand, I can feel him tossing and turning. Sometimes, it can hurt. Most of the time, it’s just plain cute. And I am just so grateful that he is developing normally. He is now 2.3KG and his heartbeat is normal. The doctor said that by the time he is ready to be born, he should be at 3kg, which is not too big a baby to be born naturally.

I’ve also started packing my hospital bag. After hearing the tales of my colleagues giving birth at 32 weeks and 34 weeks respectively. It kinda freak me out a bit…But I have a feeling that Jorgito is gonna be a full term baby, enjoying his time in my womb till week 40. My husband is a bit panicky because we don’t drive and he worries if my water broke in the middle of the night and if we couldn’t get a taxi to send us to the hospital.

So far, I have not had any spotting nor contractions. But it’s getting harder to have a good night sleep these days…My heartburn is getting worst…Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night while a foul stench of stomach acid in my mouth and nostril.

Other than that, I am easily agitated nowadays. Especially with with people who talk too much, who talks too loud, who ask too many stupid questions and who give too much opinion about whether or not I will observe the 30 days confinement after Jorgito is born.

So yeah, that’s all for now. Till next time, adios!

You, me and little Jorgito.

Maybe I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather, maybe its the pre-wedding jitters…my mood swing has gone yo-yo these few days.

Ultra sensitive.
Easily annoyed.
Anxiety attacks.

Finally the date is set. After 2 months, we finally got all the documents needed to register our marriage at the local town hall next Friday. But it doesn’t end there, after the registration, we would still need to get the local document translated to English and certified by the consular in our respective embassy to legitimate our marriage in our respective country.

Isn’t it funny…when we were little gals, we have been fed with the idea of the perfect wedding, the perfect proposal, the perfect prince charming. When I look at what we have arrived at, it’s a complete opposite of what has been ingrained in my programming. We have a unplanned baby on the way, no marriage proposal, no beautiful diamond ring, no pre-wedding photography and no wedding banquet.

That little gal in me cried a little.

At this juncture in my life, I reflect on my life 2 years ago when all this begun. It had never crossed my mind that I would accept a stranger in my life, go into a relationship with him, relocate to Bangkok after 10 months, and an unplanned pregnancy 7 months after and now planning on marrying him.

Crazy as it seems, at the back of my head I sometimes can’t help but wonder what if he is not what he seems to be? What if he has skeleton in his closet?

It’s scary that sometimes the person closest to us would end up being someone whom we don’t know at all. How often have we heard of a husband of someone ended up being:
– a womanizer
– abusive husband and father
– a rapist

Maybe I am paranoid, maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Dr. Phil. But we can’t discount the fact that no matter how well we think we know a person, there are bound to be something that doesn’t fall under our radar of awareness.

Anyway all that aside, I do have a lot that I can be grateful for. After numerous heartache in search for the ‘one’, the one that came unannounced knocking at my door end up being the one that completes my soul in search for higher self learning. I wouldn’t say that life with him is a bed of roses all the time. We have our disagreement and we drive each other up the wall sometimes. But somehow I know that he is the one destined for me, for now.

It is our differences that gives me the opportunity to unlearn and relearn what I’ve allowed to be programmed in my life.

In him, I see a man that I can count on not because of the long term meal tickets or material stuffs that he can provide but the fact that he never gives up no matter how many hurdles life throws at him.

In him, I see a good soul who is true to himself.

In him, I see creativity and continuous learning.

And most importantly, in him I see a good father for little Jorgito,

So no matter what the social standards and what other fairy tales might tell me, it’s now just me, him and our little Jorgito.

And that is actually…enough.

Tong Tong Tong Chang

Those that knows me well knows that I absolutely cringe when it comes to Chinese New Year. While the rest of the world is posting up photos of what they had for reunion dinner, showing off their ang pows and their spanking new clothes, I was lazing around watching silly YouTube videos and reading Facebook updates on my newsfeed.

Truth is, I’m not exactly the kind of person who looks forward to Chinese New Year.

Maybe I was traumatised by the amount of gossip during family gathering and the amount of interrogation of why I did what I did and did not do. Maybe, the appreciation of the festivity and the meaning behind it has not really sunk in after all these years. Maybe it was the aftermath of a disastrous event with ex bf no.1 that happened during Chinese New Year 15 years ago.

But, I must say that it’s good to be back home. To be away from the hustle and bustle of the city, to recharge and to clear my thoughts and to hit the invisible ‘Restart’ button again.

It’s a quiet Chinese New Year, and the days were spent on shopping with my younger cousin at Batu Pahat Mall. Which I enjoyed a lot!

Yay for shopping!

Got this make-up cleaning tissue from Sasa for RM11.92 (after 20% discount).

Bought a complete set of Natio skin care product, also from Sasa for RM69.30 (after 30% discount) I have to say that I totally love this Australian brand! It makes my face feels squeaky clean!

First time trying out KATE by Kanebo. From left: My color pencil eye liner in white (RM15.30, after 10% discount), eyebrow palette (RM41.40, after 10% discount) and concealer (RM34.20, after 10% discount).

I love the scent of a perfume but not really fancy using it. A bottle of 100ml perfume would last me 2-3 years. So when I came across the apple-looking DKNY perfume that smells like heaven, I knew I had to get it but reluctant to fork out RM275 for a 50ml perfume that I know I would not use that often. So I asked the promoter if she can sell me the miniature 7ml perfume and she said OK! But it has to be done ‘under the table’, which is fine with me 😀

In case you are wondering, I paid RM40 for the 7ml perfume. Which is not too bad if you do the math.

Was introduced to this Malaysian brand called Fabiano Ricco by my cousin few years ago ( and fell head over heels in love with their super comfortable and affordable flats (the ones in the picture retailing at RM39.90/pair). Unfortunately, there are not many store available in KL.

My favorite purchase has got to be this Bobbie Brown brush set with 24 brushes! Doesn’t matter if it’s a reject from Bobbi Brown, the brushes are amazing and it was initially retailing for RM128 but we got it for RM100 because we bought two 😀

Now I am fully rested, I am all set to go back to KL tomorrow. Needless to say I can’t wait to see 9!

Joy ride on the time machine

Best buddies

Hi. It’s been a while.

Hello, room.
Hello, bed.
Hello, books on my bed frame.
Hello, clothes of my teenage years in the closet.
Hello, letters in my secret shoe box.
Hello, my dearest teddy bears.

Best buddies
Best buddies

We have aged so much.

I hope you are glad to see me, as I am to see you.

I am sorry I have not been back often.

I should have. But I didn’t because there’s always something to do, people to meet and work to be done in the city. And excuses like…

its a freaking 3 hours bus ride back home.

I am sorry for all the excuses. I really am…

Now that I am back, lets make peace because I have so much to tell you.

Remember all the dreams that was created in this room? How I’ve wanted to be free, go places and be able to do whatever I wanted to do in life? I am living that dream now. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

– I’ve worked for an Airline, been to many countries and I am planning for a 1 year backpacking trip in 2013. Oh! The thrill!

– I’ve worked with a jerk and a bitch to finally realised that I will continue to meet jerks and bitches in this lifetime. And it’s completely ok to walk away than to try and work things out with them.

– I’ve dated a handful of men, some good, some not do good and had my heart wounded way too many times to finally realise what I am looking for in a long term partnership.

Remember the years when I craved so much to be loved by a man?

– I no longer crave for love because I’ve found love within me. I’ve learned to love myself more now. Yes I am still single but I am not in a hurry to let any guy put a ring on my finger. I don’t settle for second best now. So, finding love will take awhile but that’s fine.

Remember the years when I said so many hurtful things about mom in my diary?

– We get along well now and overseas trip has become a yearly routine with her and dad. She’s no longer angry at me (or at herself). Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s because she has learned to accept me for who I am. Honestly, I am not such a bad person. At all.

So…room, bed, books, clothes, letters and my dearest teddy bears.

Life is pretty good now for me. Which it wouldn’t have been if it weren’t for you.

So thank you.

My past.

Sunday’s letter – Volume 4

It was your birthday. Yesterday.

I realised now that I know so little about you as a person.

Who are you? What are your dreams, your goals and aspiration when you were young?

One of my earliest memories of you was when I was 5. The bell at the kindergarden went off and it was time to go home, I dashed off to the front porch to play with my friends while waiting for you to take me home.

The teacher called my name and I saw you standing with your bike waiving at me. It must have been a Suzuki or Mitsubishi. I remembered feeling kind of odd; most of the kids came to school in buses and cars. And you, with a piece of metal that demanded a lot of attention on the road because of the sound it made. I clenched to you with dear life, afraid that I might fall off the bike. Along with every vrooooooooom-like sound it made.

When I was a kid and had those ghostly encounters, I would go to your bedroom with teddy. In a half-sleep and half-awake state, you hopped onto my bed and fell into deep slumber as soon as you lay on my bed; with snores that would scared the day light out of any soul. I often wonder how did mom put up with your thunderous snoring for 35 years.

Rumor has it that you have waited a year long to ask mom out on a date and that you wrote her tons of letters proclaiming your love. I am glad that you persisted because she is in every way perfect for you. You are the Yin and she is the Yang, you are the cup and she is the saucer.

She accepted you as you are, she endured the unpleasant treatment because of religion differences. She went through all the hardship with you during those days when we were poor. So poor that you had to borrow money from loan shark for my milk power.

And yet, she stayed on.

You must be one helluva lucky fella to have married her.

Father figures were often thought of as authoritative and unapproachable. You were the exact opposite. You were fun and funny. To a point that it was annoying at times, especially when I just wanted to cave in like what introverts do. Nonetheless, your coolness puts the rest of the ‘uncool’ father to shame. Not because they weren’t fun and funny but they because of the front they put up, they missed out the fun of being a father.

When I was a teenager, confused by many with the constant debate of ‘my god is better than your god’; you have taught me how not to take religion too seriously. Which, then became a tipping point of how I viewed life as a whole. I understand now that those who took life too seriously not only ceased to live life to the fullest, but they have also missed out what it meant to be truly alive.

Now that I am older, I see more traces of you in my being. We are both sensitive, fastidious about our personal appearance (ahem!), adaptable in any given situation, love for money (uh huh!) and we are both responsible in the matters of heart.

I am so glad that you are my dad and I am proud to be your daughter.

my dad and I
my dad and I

Happy 67th birthday dad.

48 hours in Cameron Highlands

Giant Strawberries at Kok Lim Strawberries Farm

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. — Jawaharal Nehru

Cameron Highlands has always been a romantic place for me. Chilly with temperature less than 25’C during the day and as low as 12’C during the night, I could picture myself spending a month up here doing nothing but drinking hot black tea the whole day with a book and my Mac to keep me company.

The ride up to Cameron Highlands from Kuala Lumpur took about 4 hours. Instead of taking the route from Tapah, my parents and I drove all the way up North and exited the expressway at Simpang Pulai to Cameron Highlands because road condition were better than Route 59 from Tapah. Driving up to the highlands on a long and winding road with sharp corners couldn’t have been a breezy affair. Especially with vegetable trucks driving down from the highlands in the morning.

It’s great to be back in Cameron Highlands after 4 long years. The weather is not as chilly as I can remember from 4 years ago. In fact, I had no problem walking around with my t-shirt, shorts, converse shoes and a scarf in day time without freezing myself.

Cameron Highlands is made up of 8 neighborhoods. The 3 townships are Ringlet, Tanah Rata and Brinchang. While the settlements are around Bertam Valley, Kea Farm, Tringkap, Kuala Terla and Kampung Raja. Being Tanah Rata and Brinchang the most popular towns of retreat for holiday makers, with abundant of hotels, guesthouses, resorts, restaurants, cades and souvenir and convenient stores.

We stayed at a family-run guesthouse called The Caremonian Inn at Tanah Rata. Rooms are pretty basic with private bathroom but what I like most is the spacious garden to laze around in early mornings and afternoons with a hot cup of tea. (The homemade scones are to die for!) Not to mention that it’s a stone throw away from the main street at Tanah Rata full of cafes, restaurants, convenient stores, banks, clinic and massage parlours!

Caremonian Inn
Caremonian Inn

A visit to the lush tea plantation, strawberries farm, rose gardens, farmer’s market, bee farm, butterfly garden and cactus valley were some of the activities that I have planned with mom and dad.

After our lunch at a Chinese Restaurant at Tanah Rata, we made our way to Kok Lim Strawberries Farm to pluck some strawberries. We were greeted by a friendly Burmese worker who showed us the biggest, the juiciest and the sweetest strawberries. Mom got so excited with strawberries plucking and ended up plucking 900gram worth of giant strawberries.

Giant Strawberries at Kok Lim Strawberries Farm
Giant Strawberries at Kok Lim Strawberries Farm. Actually, it’s just camera trick!

A vegan’s haven, Kea Farm Market (next to Equatorial Hotel) is a must-visit for veggie lovers. My jaw dropped when I came across vendors selling 10 packets of vegetables of any choice for only RM10! From cherrie tomatoes to long beans, capsicum, cabbage, cauliflower and many more! I couldn’t help thinking that with only RM500 a month, I can live like a queen in Cameron Highlands!

Kea Farm Market
Kea Farm Market

Corn lover like me would go berserk with Cameron’s sweet corn. These corns can be eaten raw and it’s oh-so-sweet! At Kea Farm Market, it’s selling for only RM10 (for 14 corns). A far cry from the ones sold at super market in Kuala Lumpur. With at least RM3 per corn.

If you think that Cactus are thorny and ugly, then a visit to Cactus Valley is a must! It’s looks as though Picasso has waved it’s magic brush and had the cactus turned into such beautiful work of art!

Beautiful cactus at Cactus Valley
Beautiful cactus at Cactus Valley

A visit to Cameron Highland would not be complete without a visit to the tea plantation.

On our way down from Tanah Rata this morning, we made a stop at Bharat Tea Plantation. Perfect way to end our 48 hours in Cameron highland.

Bharat Tea Plantation
Bharat Tea Plantation
Tea leaves
Tea leaves at Bharat Tea Plantation

So there you have it, my 48 hours in Cameron Highlands with my parents. Here’s a map for you guys who intend to plan a weekend getaway to the highlands.

Hey ma, thanks for being my ma

my ma
my ma
my ma in her 20s

While everyone is flooding the twitter timeline with Mother’s Day shoutouts to their mom (do their mom even read tweets?) I on the other hand, sms-ed my ma and wished her Happy Mother’s Day. No shout outs on my social channels, no fancy restaurants, just a SMS to wish her Happy Mothers Day. Which was already enough to make her day (according to pa)

When I was growing up, I often envy friends who had good relationship with their mom. Me on the other hand, can’t even look at my ma when I talked to her. There were too much anger, too much pain and most of the time I just didn’t know how to have a conversation with my ma.

Like my ma, I get angry easily and I had a bad temper which I didn’t know how to control. I remembered when I was 7, she used to poke needles on my cheek as punishment when I dirtied the wall and said that she would strangle me to death at birth if she’d known I would be so difficult to deal with.

Yes, I did not get a lot of love and hugs when I was a kid. Not from my ma, not from my ma’s side of the family either. But instead of channeling my anger towards myself and the people around me, I channeled it towards understanding my purpose in life. I remembered one of the questions I had was, ‘if I am not worthy of love, then what is the purpose of my being?’ Yes, while other kids my age was getting pampered, playing at the playground with their playmates. I was there at a corner, writing in my journal, immersed in my make-believe world through my storybooks where happiness lies. And everyone thought I was a weirdo.

There is a reason why my ma is my ma and a reason why I am my ma’s daughter in this lifetime. A mother and daughter relationship is not coincidental and its not always a bed of roses. In my case with my ma, it’s always a work in progress, up till today.

Throughout the years, I’ve seen my ma grown from a feisty, hot tempered woman to someone more reasonable, patient and more capable of a little give and take.

My relationship with my ma and taught me to be more forgiving, the ability to see things from various point of view and most importantly, to understand the concept of freewill. Yes, I have a choice to be angry at my ma, blame her and everyone else for ruining my childhood and grow up being the opposite of who I am today. Instead, at 15, I choose to forgive her and myself. For she only knows how best to be a mom for the first time and I only knew how best to be a daughter in this lifetime.

So today, on Mother’s Day, I want to say ‘Thanks’ to the Universe. For the master plan and my ma as my ma. And if I had the chance to choose a mother in this lifetime, I would still choose my ma.