The arrival of baby Han

Whoah! This update has taken almost a month for completion in between feeding time, diaper change, washing bottles, doing laundry, cooking lunch, dinner …etc etc

It’s been almost a month since little Jorgito’s arrival. And the past 1 month has been a crazy roller coaster ride for me emotionally.

The truth is, there is absolutely nothing that can prepare you for motherhood. And once that reality of having a baby right in front of you hits you, it hits hard and suddenly you are in constant battle with yourself on the decision you have made and you would be constantly questioning if you are ever gonna pull through motherhood.

To backtrack a little bit on the arrival of little Jorgito. 23rd Jan was supposed to be the due date of our baby. On 22nd Jan, I still have not felt any contraction or any signs that I would be going into labor the next 24 hours. Anxious, I went to bed at 3am that day. Despite having a doctors appointment at 8am the next morning.

We slept through our alarm clock. When I was awaken by the bright ray of sunlight that morning, I literally sprung out of bed at a few minutes passed 8am. My hubby suggested that we postponed our checkup but I was adamant to have it done that morning. So we grabbed my hospital bag, called the hospital to postpone the checkup to 9am and rushed to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital, I was ordered to sit in a wheel chair and was wheeled to the labor room. I was then connected to a machine to check baby’s heartbeat and my contraction. My doctor came and performed a cervix checkup. To my dismay, my cervix was still very much closed. The doctor gave us an option to wait for another week or to go for c section on that day.

We choose the latter after a brief discussion. 2 hours later I was in the operating room and little Jorgito came out 15 mins later. Wailing at the top of his lungs, looking oh-so-adorable when the nurses showed him to me at the operating table.

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Ever since little’s Jorgito’s arrival, I’ve been in a wind whirl of emotion…

What can I say… I wasn’t prepared at all for motherhood. Despite consciously aware that I was carrying a baby for 9 months, anticipating the arrival of baby with baby showers, shopping for baby stuff etc etc…

The first week or baby’s arrival was a major blow to me. I was frustrated because I didn’t produced enough breast milk (and still didn’t up till today), I was agitated with my c section wound because I couldn’t move and do much, not to mention that I couldn’t adjust to the new addition in our life. I didn’t have enough confident to hold the baby, even though I love him dearly, the constant feeding, waking up every 2 hours and the confinement blues led me to a complete meltdown. I didn’t know how to deal with it other than crying my heart out again and again.

There were moments where I felt like giving up. The change was too much for me to handle…I looked at my son and it hit me that he is a lifetime commitment, from now onwards I will be forever worry about his well being, he would become my priority while the rest of my life and my husband takes a backseat. I wasn’t sure if that was what I could dealt with. But fortunately I have a very patient and supportive husband beside me.

The baby blues wore off after 2 weeks. But I was physically very tired..and I was hit by another wave of emotional roller coaster which turned me into a bitchy monster.

My husband said I was nicer, calmer and sweet when I was pregnant. The more I tried to fight the bitch in me, the bitchier I become. So I took a step back to analyze why was I so bitchy esp towards my husband, the man I love so dearly…

I realize that I was angry… Because our relationship has taken a backseat since little Jorgito’s arrival. I was angry because I still had to lift many fingers doing housework when I was supposed to be resting and recuperating from my operation. I was angry because of my backache, and the joins in my fingers where hurting like mad. I was angry because of my disgustingly looking belly and stretch marks. I was angry because I expect my husband to help me more without me asking…

And a lot of time, I am just angry for the sake of being angry.

It’s almost a month now since little Jorgito’s arrival. I am still adjusting to him, to our new life…Honestly I don’t know how on earth are we going to manage after my maternity leave ends. There are a lot of challengers ahead that’s for sure. From time to time just had to keep reminding myself that I am blessed to have such a beautiful baby and a loving husband. And I have to do whatever it takes to keep us together.

2 more days to go

Or not?!

According to calculation, my little man is due to arrive on 23rd Jan. But as of last Sunday’s visit to the hospital, my cervix is still very much closed and baby is still floating though he is already in head down position.

Baby was 3.1 kg and I still have enough amniotic fluid to support him. The doctor suggest to do another thorough check this Friday and we can then decide if we want to wait or perform c section.

I feel pretty good this week. Maybe because my maternity leave has started and I am more relax at home. My heartburn has subsided tremendously which could only mean that I’m experiencing the ‘lighting’ effect where baby has further dropped to the birth cannel. If this is true then it would be great because I really want to experience natural birth.

My belly is still expending at week 40. And my stretch mark has mushroomed to the side of my belly 🙁
But that’s alright, as long as my baby is healthy nothing else matters.

Gosh! I can’t believe I am gonna be a mom. Never in my life had I imagine this ever happening to me. Many asked me if I am ready… Honestly I am not because being a first time mom, it’s hard for me to anticipate anything. But I can do my best to raise my son based on the life experience that I have and whatever information that is available to me.

So yeah, hopefully everything goes well with the delivery 😀

33 weeks pregnancy update

33 weeks pregnant
33 weeks pregnant

Another 7 weeks to go before Jorgito’s arrival and boy are we excited! We have got almost all the baby stuff ready, except for a stroller and his bath tub. (I think…)

At this point, baby is moving all time time, very rapidly. I can feel his little foot and his little hand, I can feel him tossing and turning. Sometimes, it can hurt. Most of the time, it’s just plain cute. And I am just so grateful that he is developing normally. He is now 2.3KG and his heartbeat is normal. The doctor said that by the time he is ready to be born, he should be at 3kg, which is not too big a baby to be born naturally.

I’ve also started packing my hospital bag. After hearing the tales of my colleagues giving birth at 32 weeks and 34 weeks respectively. It kinda freak me out a bit…But I have a feeling that Jorgito is gonna be a full term baby, enjoying his time in my womb till week 40. My husband is a bit panicky because we don’t drive and he worries if my water broke in the middle of the night and if we couldn’t get a taxi to send us to the hospital.

So far, I have not had any spotting nor contractions. But it’s getting harder to have a good night sleep these days…My heartburn is getting worst…Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night while a foul stench of stomach acid in my mouth and nostril.

Other than that, I am easily agitated nowadays. Especially with with people who talk too much, who talks too loud, who ask too many stupid questions and who give too much opinion about whether or not I will observe the 30 days confinement after Jorgito is born.

So yeah, that’s all for now. Till next time, adios!

How Jorgito look like

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A visit to the hospital has always been a happy affair because we get to see little Jorgito on ultra sound monitor.

Yesterday, during our monthly visit to the hospital, I casually asked when will we be able to see little Jorgito in 4D scan. Surprisingly the doctor said we could try but with no guarantee that the imagery will be clear if the baby is not in the right position.

But we did anyway and my husband was literally jumping with joy when he saw little Jorgito on screen because he look so much like him, especially the nose!

Now that we know how he look like, we are anticipating his arrival even more. I look forward to be his mom, give him all the tools and knowledge he require to be a good man. A man with a good and strong heart, fair, honest, driven and respects woman.

So far, his development has been very good. His growth rate and heart beat is normal. Lately he has been very active as well. I can feel his movement more frequent nowadays. Sometimes it brings me so much joy to just stare at my tummy and look at his movement.

Bring pregnant and a mother is the best experience a woman can have.

26 weeks pregnancy update

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My tummy is getting bigger by the day that I can’t even see my own feet when I glance down at my feet. Which is not a bad thing after all because I can’t bare to look at my feet which resembles tamales now.

Yes, it’s swollen and it hurts…

Know that I am not complaining, just stating the fact and recording my pregnancy journal. I do enjoy my pregnancy, especially when the baby starts kicking and start responding to my voice and touch (I would like to think so).

Another 2 weeks before entering my 3rd trimester which most mother-to-be would say is the toughest. I am starting to feel tired all the time. Imaging dozing off on the job haha…not a pretty sight.

Nevertheless, I really love little Jorgito and look forward to hold him in my arms real soon 😀

You, me and little Jorgito.

Maybe I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather, maybe its the pre-wedding jitters…my mood swing has gone yo-yo these few days.

Ultra sensitive.
Easily annoyed.
Anxiety attacks.

Finally the date is set. After 2 months, we finally got all the documents needed to register our marriage at the local town hall next Friday. But it doesn’t end there, after the registration, we would still need to get the local document translated to English and certified by the consular in our respective embassy to legitimate our marriage in our respective country.

Isn’t it funny…when we were little gals, we have been fed with the idea of the perfect wedding, the perfect proposal, the perfect prince charming. When I look at what we have arrived at, it’s a complete opposite of what has been ingrained in my programming. We have a unplanned baby on the way, no marriage proposal, no beautiful diamond ring, no pre-wedding photography and no wedding banquet.

That little gal in me cried a little.

At this juncture in my life, I reflect on my life 2 years ago when all this begun. It had never crossed my mind that I would accept a stranger in my life, go into a relationship with him, relocate to Bangkok after 10 months, and an unplanned pregnancy 7 months after and now planning on marrying him.

Crazy as it seems, at the back of my head I sometimes can’t help but wonder what if he is not what he seems to be? What if he has skeleton in his closet?

It’s scary that sometimes the person closest to us would end up being someone whom we don’t know at all. How often have we heard of a husband of someone ended up being:
– a womanizer
– abusive husband and father
– a rapist

Maybe I am paranoid, maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Dr. Phil. But we can’t discount the fact that no matter how well we think we know a person, there are bound to be something that doesn’t fall under our radar of awareness.

Anyway all that aside, I do have a lot that I can be grateful for. After numerous heartache in search for the ‘one’, the one that came unannounced knocking at my door end up being the one that completes my soul in search for higher self learning. I wouldn’t say that life with him is a bed of roses all the time. We have our disagreement and we drive each other up the wall sometimes. But somehow I know that he is the one destined for me, for now.

It is our differences that gives me the opportunity to unlearn and relearn what I’ve allowed to be programmed in my life.

In him, I see a man that I can count on not because of the long term meal tickets or material stuffs that he can provide but the fact that he never gives up no matter how many hurdles life throws at him.

In him, I see a good soul who is true to himself.

In him, I see creativity and continuous learning.

And most importantly, in him I see a good father for little Jorgito,

So no matter what the social standards and what other fairy tales might tell me, it’s now just me, him and our little Jorgito.

And that is actually…enough.

23 weeks pregnancy update

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23 weeks. Little Jorgito is 11 inches now and kicking a storm in my tummy. Needless to say, our favorite thing to do nowadays is to feel and watch him kick when I wake up at 7ish in the morning.

I’m also starting to look really fat and feel really unattractive. My shoulder and lower back is aching, my feet are swollen and I am having heartburn almost every evening nowadays.

Maybe all I need a really good massage and a shopping spree 🙁

Blood test result

We finally got my blood test result yesterday for down syndrome screening for little Jorgito.

The result came back negative.

Gosh, that must have been the most agonising 2 weeks wait. But I am happy and glad that little Jorgito is fine and healthy.

At week 21, my baby bump started ballooning last week and is now getting bigger and bigger. Little Jorgito should be 10 inches in length by now. I can also feel him more frequent nowadays, even at work, I could feel him kick. My favourite moment with him is around evening time and when I wake up in the morning, while humming his favourite ‘Elmo song’.

This week, he is also more accustom to his father’s touch. Usually when Jorge place his hand on my belly, little Jorgito would become very still. But with constant coaxing, he seems to not mind his father’s touch anymore.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve grown a shoe size up. My feet are swollen now due to water retention. I’ve also becoming less energetic these days. So sleepy all the time i wished there is a nap room in the office.

Zzzzzzz

What’s in a name?

Before we knew of little Jorgito’s gender, we had 2 names in mind, one for a boy and one for a girl. If it’s a boy then we would name him ‘Han Quetzalcoatl Bernal Chan’. If it’s a girl, then we would name her ‘May Citlalli Bernal Chan’.

As Chinese myself, I would want my son to always keep in mind and be proud of his Chinese origins. Which is why we decided that his first name would be Han 汉 (漢). In Chinese, it means a man of bravery. Where else his middle name would be Quetzalcoatl, a name originated from Aztec which means God of the sky, creator of human and feathered serpent. Followed by his father’s and my family name.

I’ve always love the name ‘Han’. Apart from it being a Chinese name, it is also quite universally accepted and easy to pronounce. Think Han Solo of Star Wars haha. When I think of ‘Han’. I think of masculinity, a brave and a honest man.

His middle name ‘Quetzalcoatl’ is of Aztec and Mesoamerican origin. A very popular figure, Quetzalcoatl was both a real person and a god. He was first worshiped by Nahuatl people as a feathered serpent. And by the Aztecs, he was related to gods of the wind, of the planet Venus, of the dawn, of merchants and of arts, crafts and knowledge. This name was proudly chosen by Jorge.

As the days goes by, I’m starting to have strong emotionally bonding with little Jorgito. I wish for all the good for him in life. Enough friends to lend him a shoulder to cry on, and to celebrate his success in life, enough knowledge for him to question what is right and wrong, enough courage to pursue his dreams, enough curiosity to ask all the relevant questions and enough empathy to understand other’s feeling and perspective.

And as for his nickname ‘Little Jorgito’, that will always be something special between us 🙂

Baby at week 14

Little Jorgito is 14th week now. And I’m officially on my 2nd trimester!
In terms of health, still no sign of morning sickness and I feel less fatigue nowadays. In fact I feel more energetic compare to a month ago. Nowadays, I can even chase after the 6.30pm bus home.

We went to the hospital today and it was such a joy to see little Jorgito on screen. Weighing about 100gram, he is the size of an apple now. We could see his(or her) bone structure that is well developed.

I breathed a sigh of relieve.

I know I am paranoid but it’s hard not to be when I am not plagued with morning sickness, any form of distress that was caused by pregnancy and the absence feeling of a little being growing inside me. So seeing little Jorgito was really a reassurance of his/her existence 🙂

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Blood and urine test results

The last time I had my blood tested for HIV was when I was 19. So you can imagine how terrified I was when the doctor told me that it was compulsory for a blood test to ensure that I am free of HIV and other possible transmitted disease through the blood stream to the baby.

I was emotionally vulnerable in my 20s, confused and did a lot of things that I wasn’t proud of. I also didn’t think that I’ll ever meet my soul mate let alone have children of my own. You see, I was prepared to stay single for the rest it my life. So I guess it was easier to not think about the possibility of contracting any sexually transmitted disease. After all, what you don’t know can not hurt you.

That’s what I thought.

After having tubes of blood extracted from my veins for lab test, I realized what a fool I have been for not getting tested earlier. A fool for possibly putting a unborn child in danger.

That week of waiting was agonizing. It even crossed my mind to terminate the pregnancy if by any chance my blood wasn’t clean and if there isn’t any vaccine available for my unborn child…

The day finally came for me to collect my blood and urine test result…Waiting for my name to be called into the doctor’s office was excruciating.

Then my name was called.

In the doctor’s office, he asked what brought me to the hospital since my next appointment wasn’t due till 21 July. After I told him that I wanted to collect my blood and urine test result, he opened my file and said: ‘Your results are normal.’ Before explaining to me that I’m HIV negative, free from hepatitis and no transmitted disease detected in my blood and urine sample.

I couldn’t believe my ears. I was so happy that I almost jump off my seat!

This has truly been a miracle. Thank you, whoever that is watching over me 🙂

9 week pregnant

Officially in the 9th week today. Baby is about 1 inch long, the size of a grape and weight a fraction of an ounce 😀

Still no morning sickness, and I’ve started eating healthy. Cut down on carbo and processed sugar, which makes me feels much lighter now. One thing that bugs me though, is that I get very bad flu during the night. My nose feels itchy, runny and cold which is extremely uncomfortable…Yesterday I’ve also experience severe shoulder ache, so painful that I had trouble sleeping. Urgh…A sign that I’ve not been exercising and clock in too much time on my laptop, iPhone and iPad.

It’s been 3 weeks now that my parents knew about my pregnancy. And every Sunday that I called, never did they ask about the baby. Their only concern is when are we going to get register for marriage. I guess they are still very conservative to think that getting pregnant without a husband is a culturally and socially unacceptable.

Do I blame them? I don’t. I just want to concentrate on eating and living healthy for my little Jorgito.

And speaking of registration of marriage. It’s such a tedious process. Here’s the step by step guide that I managed to google out of from forum:

Step by step: How to get married in Thailand
1. Bring along your original passport, copy of your wife/husband passport and money to JPN in PutraJaya.

2. Tell them that you want to make statutory declaration to get marry in Thailand.

3. They will give you a form to fill up on the spot. After fill up return to them. 

4. Need to check with them how long you need to wait for the declaration. Some need to wait only 1 day 
and some need to wait 1 week. 

5. After received the declaration, go to Ministry foreign Affair in PutraJaya to certified. They will show you where to go. You can also take bus. The station just opposite JPN.They have bus to go from JPN to MFA.

6.Once you reach there, the guard will show you which counter. You need to paid after they certified your 
declaration.

7. Done. That’s it after MFA. Then you can bring the declaration back to Thailand to Malaysia Embassy to 
translate because need the Embassy stamp on it too. 

8.After they translate, they will ask you bring the document to MFA of Thailand to certified again. Need to
paid too.

9. After certified, you can bring the document to Ampur nearby where you stay and begin register of your marriage.

Fingers crossed.

Weight gain and feeling bloated

Although hunger strikes every two hours, I find that food are harder to digest this week. My tummy is so bloated I had a hard time buttoning my jeans. Even my short pants that were once loose fitted feels tighter now.

I was feeling quite low today so while waiting for Jorge on our Indian food date I decided to go on a shopping spree at Terminal 21. Bad idea! Extra-small-only-em-skinny-Thais-can-fit-dresses everywhere! I felt like a giant 🙁

Just so I was about to give up and make my way to Baskin Robbins, I saw Promod and that literally perked me up. So I went into a rampant and purchased a whole bunch of UK size 12 pants, tops, skirts and a jacket. And that made me felt even worst.

UK size 12! Jesus! I wanted to cave in and cry.

Fast forward to a couple of hours later, I stumbled upon this diet called the Paleo Diet. Basically, Paleo Diet is to eliminates grains, sugar and processed foods from your diet. I did some further research and found out that it is actually quite safe for pregnant women with some minor adjustments. Now that got me all pumped up! The idea is not to lose weight during pregnancy but eat healthy for me and the baby. Because honestly, I don’t want to put on another 20KG and being able to lose all that weight after delivery.

So today, I started my day with cereal, nuts and soy milk for breakfast.

And scramble eggs with tomatoes and cheese.

I tried to eat small meals every 2 hours and snack on baby carrots, nuts and raisins.

Lets see if this works.

The reveal

Today I finally mustered all my courage and told my manager about my pregnancy. I don’t know why but I tend to feel that employers are not really fond of pregnant employees. Though pregnancy is not a illness but I’ve witnessed too many people using pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy and underperformed at work. Perhaps what’s adding so much stress is that I’m afraid that is what others would make of me.

Even though I’ve slowed down and try not react too fast and getting all worked up before counting down to 10, I’m pretty sure I will probably be working until the day I go into labour.

Anyway, almost into week 8 and there are still no sign of morning sickness. Yay for that! Also, no sign of baby bump, just excessive fat around my tummy due to excessive binging. Apart from extreme fatigue and soreness around my nipple and breast, I’m also experiencing runny nose and non stop sneezing especially at night. Which is quite common I read.

I think in another couple of weeks more people will find out about my pregnancy. Colleagues in Malaysia and my relatives…Which I really dread. I don’t like to be in the limelight and I certainly don’t like to be told what I should do and should not do. Sometimes I wished that I can retreat into a cave and stay there as long as I can.

Anyway, little Jorgito (as we fondly called him/her) is a size of a kidney bean now.

So proud of my baby 🙂