Coping with change

This is a topic that not many people talk about. In fact, I don’t think anyone ever warm me that my relationship with my husband will change after our baby’s arrival.

For the past 4 months, I felt that our marriage has deteriorate from bad to worst. At first, I thought post natal depression was the culprit. But until today, I am still unable to reconnect to how we were before the baby was born.

As the days goes by, I find it harder and harder to feel love for this man that I used to admire so much. Instead, I feel resentment for having to give so much but receive so little in return. A typical day for me goes like this.
– Wakes up at 6.30am to feed the baby, shower, do some housework and go to work at 8.30am
– Work from 9am-6pm
– Reached home at 7am, take over from the nanny. Take care of baby and put him to sleep at 9.30am (if I am lucky).
– Wakes up at 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am to feed the baby.

My husband asked me, why don’t I pamper him like I used to?
The fact is, I am tired.
And I am angry.

Tired because I have a 9-6 job, I am a mother and a wife.

Angry because I don’t feel appreciated. I am expected to do all of the above and on top of that support his restaurant business. I am angry because I have to clean after him. I am angry because I don’t have savings. I am angry because he couldn’t even buy a card for me on Mother’s Day. And the fact that he is so oblivious to the subject presented, and think he has done such a good job compare to other men.

This morning, my bestie asked me, If I see myself growing old with him? If we share the same interest and outlook towards life?

I used to think we can grow old together, I used to think we see the same direction…but now I am not so sure. And today, I don’t even feel like going home.

But that’s not an option. Because I miss my baby, who is the world to me.

Do I think we can work it out? Honestly I don’t know.

Only time will tell.

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