Letter to my little Jorgito

Hello my dear son, I am your mother. And you are in my belly for 29 weeks now. You are 1.2 kg now and you are growing at a normal and healthy rate. I can feel your kicks more frequent now, what an active baby you are!

I never thought I am the kind of girl who would get married, settle down, let alone having a baby. Your arrival came as a wonderful surprise and because of you, I get to experience the most wonderful gift a woman can have. You made everything so easy for me, I didn’t have any morning sickness, and you didn’t complain when I had to clock in many extra hours other than my day job to help out at the restaurant, serving customers, cleaning tables…

You are a special baby who will bring much joy to so many people, especially mine. I pray that you will come to this world without much difficulty. But if you do, I promise you that I will do my best to face any challenges for you to have you arrive safely to this wonderful world.

I want you to know that I love you very much. I will do whatever I can to guide you, protect you and at the same time teach you how to be independent. I hope you will be kind, honest, brave and driven towards what you want to achieve in life.

I also want you to know that I love your papa very much. He is my thunder buddy, my soul mate and my best friend. Your papa is a good man. I have never met a man who is as positive and has such fighting spirit as your papa. I am sure you have inherited that trait from him too.

I want you to know that we love you very much and we can’t wait to meet you. We will have so much fun together learning about each other, helping each other grow into a better person.

I love you son.

XoXOXxooX
Your mama

How Jorgito look like

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A visit to the hospital has always been a happy affair because we get to see little Jorgito on ultra sound monitor.

Yesterday, during our monthly visit to the hospital, I casually asked when will we be able to see little Jorgito in 4D scan. Surprisingly the doctor said we could try but with no guarantee that the imagery will be clear if the baby is not in the right position.

But we did anyway and my husband was literally jumping with joy when he saw little Jorgito on screen because he look so much like him, especially the nose!

Now that we know how he look like, we are anticipating his arrival even more. I look forward to be his mom, give him all the tools and knowledge he require to be a good man. A man with a good and strong heart, fair, honest, driven and respects woman.

So far, his development has been very good. His growth rate and heart beat is normal. Lately he has been very active as well. I can feel his movement more frequent nowadays. Sometimes it brings me so much joy to just stare at my tummy and look at his movement.

Bring pregnant and a mother is the best experience a woman can have.

Finally ROM

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After 2 months of running around getting the documents sorted, we finally managed to register our marriage at Bang Rak district office. It was a close call and the registration attempt was almost unsuccessful because the way Malaysia Embassy translate my husband’s name in Thai was different from the way the Mexican Embassy translated it. But luckily the officer at the district office wasn’t too fussy about it. Else we would have to get the copies translated again to Thai, get the endorsement from our respective Embassy and get it endorse again by Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Thailand.

Anyway, even though we are legally married in Thai law, we would still have to register our marriage in our respective embassy to legalise our Thai marriage certificate. Which I hope would be a breeze.

Married life is….GOOD. I feel that it has strengthen our relationship, and help me become a better person, which I wouldn’t have become otherwise if I am still single.

When I was single, I didn’t care about anyone apart from my wants and needs. I was opinionated, selfish, wild, a go getter and living life the way I want it without considering how it would affect the people around me. But now, I feel that I’ve grown a lot emotionally in this past 2 years with my husband where he has helped me become a much better person.

Despite how the world would interpret my thoughts through my writing, I am just so ever grateful to the universe to have brought us together. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a man so unconditionally as I do to my husband. We have been through so much ups and downs in life, every challenges that life throws at him, I stand firmly by his side. Through his challenges, I also discovered that I am actually stronger than I thought emotionally and mentally.

Today, 16.10.2014 is the day we made a commitment to each other for better or worse. And I look forward for more years to come with him and our little Jorgito.

26 weeks pregnancy update

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My tummy is getting bigger by the day that I can’t even see my own feet when I glance down at my feet. Which is not a bad thing after all because I can’t bare to look at my feet which resembles tamales now.

Yes, it’s swollen and it hurts…

Know that I am not complaining, just stating the fact and recording my pregnancy journal. I do enjoy my pregnancy, especially when the baby starts kicking and start responding to my voice and touch (I would like to think so).

Another 2 weeks before entering my 3rd trimester which most mother-to-be would say is the toughest. I am starting to feel tired all the time. Imaging dozing off on the job haha…not a pretty sight.

Nevertheless, I really love little Jorgito and look forward to hold him in my arms real soon 😀

Almost ROM

Last Saturday was another roller coaster ride in our quest to register our marriage in Thailand. After a failed attempt to register at the District office near Don Mueng airport, we (including my parents and my 2 Thai colleague who were our witness, rushed to Bang Rak district office as advised by the officers at Don Mueng District Office.

To our dismay, my fiance’s document wasn’t complete. After 2 months, when we thought we had all the documents ready, when we had our friends and family flew in to witness our ROM, a planned wedding dinner, we still didn’t managed to register due to incompetency of the Mexican Embassy.

At that moment, I broke down. There were just too much pressure… I have a registration deadline to comply with in regards to my single status statutory document and we have to legalize our marriage certification before the baby is born to be able to register him as a Malaysian and my fiancé as his father on his birth certificate.

Anyway, the show had to go on. We went ahead with our wedding dinner which we had planned a couple of week earlier and had our close friends, colleagues and family witness our ring exchange.

And today, we finally got all the documents that we need and we’ll try to register our marriage this Thursday.

Fingers crossed…

You, me and little Jorgito.

Maybe I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather, maybe its the pre-wedding jitters…my mood swing has gone yo-yo these few days.

Ultra sensitive.
Easily annoyed.
Anxiety attacks.

Finally the date is set. After 2 months, we finally got all the documents needed to register our marriage at the local town hall next Friday. But it doesn’t end there, after the registration, we would still need to get the local document translated to English and certified by the consular in our respective embassy to legitimate our marriage in our respective country.

Isn’t it funny…when we were little gals, we have been fed with the idea of the perfect wedding, the perfect proposal, the perfect prince charming. When I look at what we have arrived at, it’s a complete opposite of what has been ingrained in my programming. We have a unplanned baby on the way, no marriage proposal, no beautiful diamond ring, no pre-wedding photography and no wedding banquet.

That little gal in me cried a little.

At this juncture in my life, I reflect on my life 2 years ago when all this begun. It had never crossed my mind that I would accept a stranger in my life, go into a relationship with him, relocate to Bangkok after 10 months, and an unplanned pregnancy 7 months after and now planning on marrying him.

Crazy as it seems, at the back of my head I sometimes can’t help but wonder what if he is not what he seems to be? What if he has skeleton in his closet?

It’s scary that sometimes the person closest to us would end up being someone whom we don’t know at all. How often have we heard of a husband of someone ended up being:
– a womanizer
– abusive husband and father
– a rapist

Maybe I am paranoid, maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Dr. Phil. But we can’t discount the fact that no matter how well we think we know a person, there are bound to be something that doesn’t fall under our radar of awareness.

Anyway all that aside, I do have a lot that I can be grateful for. After numerous heartache in search for the ‘one’, the one that came unannounced knocking at my door end up being the one that completes my soul in search for higher self learning. I wouldn’t say that life with him is a bed of roses all the time. We have our disagreement and we drive each other up the wall sometimes. But somehow I know that he is the one destined for me, for now.

It is our differences that gives me the opportunity to unlearn and relearn what I’ve allowed to be programmed in my life.

In him, I see a man that I can count on not because of the long term meal tickets or material stuffs that he can provide but the fact that he never gives up no matter how many hurdles life throws at him.

In him, I see a good soul who is true to himself.

In him, I see creativity and continuous learning.

And most importantly, in him I see a good father for little Jorgito,

So no matter what the social standards and what other fairy tales might tell me, it’s now just me, him and our little Jorgito.

And that is actually…enough.

23 weeks pregnancy update

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23 weeks. Little Jorgito is 11 inches now and kicking a storm in my tummy. Needless to say, our favorite thing to do nowadays is to feel and watch him kick when I wake up at 7ish in the morning.

I’m also starting to look really fat and feel really unattractive. My shoulder and lower back is aching, my feet are swollen and I am having heartburn almost every evening nowadays.

Maybe all I need a really good massage and a shopping spree 🙁

Blood test result

We finally got my blood test result yesterday for down syndrome screening for little Jorgito.

The result came back negative.

Gosh, that must have been the most agonising 2 weeks wait. But I am happy and glad that little Jorgito is fine and healthy.

At week 21, my baby bump started ballooning last week and is now getting bigger and bigger. Little Jorgito should be 10 inches in length by now. I can also feel him more frequent nowadays, even at work, I could feel him kick. My favourite moment with him is around evening time and when I wake up in the morning, while humming his favourite ‘Elmo song’.

This week, he is also more accustom to his father’s touch. Usually when Jorge place his hand on my belly, little Jorgito would become very still. But with constant coaxing, he seems to not mind his father’s touch anymore.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve grown a shoe size up. My feet are swollen now due to water retention. I’ve also becoming less energetic these days. So sleepy all the time i wished there is a nap room in the office.

Zzzzzzz

What’s in a name?

Before we knew of little Jorgito’s gender, we had 2 names in mind, one for a boy and one for a girl. If it’s a boy then we would name him ‘Han Quetzalcoatl Bernal Chan’. If it’s a girl, then we would name her ‘May Citlalli Bernal Chan’.

As Chinese myself, I would want my son to always keep in mind and be proud of his Chinese origins. Which is why we decided that his first name would be Han 汉 (漢). In Chinese, it means a man of bravery. Where else his middle name would be Quetzalcoatl, a name originated from Aztec which means God of the sky, creator of human and feathered serpent. Followed by his father’s and my family name.

I’ve always love the name ‘Han’. Apart from it being a Chinese name, it is also quite universally accepted and easy to pronounce. Think Han Solo of Star Wars haha. When I think of ‘Han’. I think of masculinity, a brave and a honest man.

His middle name ‘Quetzalcoatl’ is of Aztec and Mesoamerican origin. A very popular figure, Quetzalcoatl was both a real person and a god. He was first worshiped by Nahuatl people as a feathered serpent. And by the Aztecs, he was related to gods of the wind, of the planet Venus, of the dawn, of merchants and of arts, crafts and knowledge. This name was proudly chosen by Jorge.

As the days goes by, I’m starting to have strong emotionally bonding with little Jorgito. I wish for all the good for him in life. Enough friends to lend him a shoulder to cry on, and to celebrate his success in life, enough knowledge for him to question what is right and wrong, enough courage to pursue his dreams, enough curiosity to ask all the relevant questions and enough empathy to understand other’s feeling and perspective.

And as for his nickname ‘Little Jorgito’, that will always be something special between us 🙂

uneventful saturday

Last Saturday was one of the bleakest days of my life.

It felt like 1996 all over again.

I always thought of myself as a woman with dignity. When it comes to relationship, I consider myself a one man’s woman. No other men can sweep me off my feet once I’ve given my heart to a man. A woman with little interest in superficial connections, I am loyal to the core and hold devotion dear to my heart.

Sadly, I can’t say the same for the rest of men and women out there. Especially when there are so many temptation through online dating sites, men and women showing off their body in sleazy attire online, inviting each others for cheap thrills.

Self respect for one self and others seems so insubstantial today. Men and women hiding behind their screen, living and feeding their alter ego with superficial connections and makes-believe relationships. Can you turn a blind eye to that? Having shared intimacy which only belong to you with another men/women in the virtual world?

Can you?

‘Sorry’ seemed so frail, when the text exchange has already imprinted in my mind.

I couldn’t stop my tears of sadness and disappointment gushing down my cheeks.
I was crushed.
Heart broken.
And I wanted to run.

In despair, I turned to God and asked him why. What was it that I have not yet learned and needed to relearned through this experience. And most importantly, what should I do after my tears has run dry.

I never got an answer.

Then Sunday came.

It was supposed to be a happy day, for I’ve waited a month to see little Jorgito on the ultrasound screen. But I was still pretty much in despair…from the uneventful Saturday.

Then it happened. Little Jorgito appeared on screen, happily showing off his little willy! My heart melted and my spirit lifted. For our son, I can finally forgive and let us move on with our lives.

Because there are so many good for us to look forward to than that uneventful Saturday.

Hong Kong

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It’s been a while since we last went on a trip together especially after the opening of Sabroso. So I thought it would be nice to go on a short trip to Hong Kong, a country that we both have not been during the long weekend in conjunction with the Queen’s birthday.

For me, who grew up watching a lot of Hong Kong dramas, listening to Jacky Cheung, Aaron Kwok, Anita Mui, Leon Lai etc.. And going to a country that speaks my language and the origin of my all time favorite ‘Yin Yang tea’ excites me lots.

But Hong Kong ended up to be quite a let down.

We stayed at Yau Ma Tei area in Kowloon. The area was full of local eateries, shops selling medicine, dried food, clothing, cosmetic.. With huge neon signage that comes to life in the evening. Think of it like as huge china town and you’ll get what I mean.

The food in Hong Kong was a disappointment. And after a while we agree that Mc Donald’s and Burger King would be a better choice for our pallette.

Before going to Hong Kong, one of the thing that I really looked forward to was the tea restaurant (known as Cha Chan Teng) which the locals frequent during breakfast. So I foursquared and found this Mido cafe from the 50s which received quite good ratings.

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We ordered the famous French toast, pineapple po lou bun, beef Minnesota soup, vegetable stir fried noodle, braised pork in tomato gravy and yin yang tea.

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The bill came up to approx $215 HKD with is close to RM90. Honestly the food and drink was really bland… And I would say that Malaysian Chinese food and Teh Tarik is so much more better compare to these…

When I learned that Hong Kong is the land of 7/11, I got really excited. Probably because I am spoiled in Bangkok for the variety of stuff that they sell in 7/11 with very very cheap price. But Hong Kong turned out to be a disappointment again… The 7/11 was extremely small and food items were like 3-4 times more expensive. For example, a box or Pokky cost about $20HKD which is RM8 where in Bangkok it is only RM1 or RM1.50. And a small sandwich is $12HKD which is RM5.

I was ready to splurge in Hong Kong. Bu when it comes to shopping, the only thing(s) I bought was a stethoscope at a local pharmacy, Nioxin shampoo, a Longchamp bag, a novel by Khalid Hosseini, and two chocolate bar at the airport. Temple street where most people raved about was a disappointment. Nothing much to see and buy, I think I’ll have better luck at Patpong night market.

The other touristy thing that we did was taking a stroll along Avenue of Stars along the Victoria Harbour waterfront in Tsim Sha Tsui, in a sea of very loud mainland Chinese.

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We also stayed for the Symphony of Lights, a 15 minutes display of coloured lights and laser beams involving 40 buildings from both sides of the harbour. Sad to say, I wasn’t really impressed.

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In all…I didn’t quite enjoy Hong Kong. It didn’t wow me like how I expected it to be.

But I did enjoy the time spent with Jorge and little Jorgito, whom behaved really well during the entire trip 😀

Baby at week 14

Little Jorgito is 14th week now. And I’m officially on my 2nd trimester!
In terms of health, still no sign of morning sickness and I feel less fatigue nowadays. In fact I feel more energetic compare to a month ago. Nowadays, I can even chase after the 6.30pm bus home.

We went to the hospital today and it was such a joy to see little Jorgito on screen. Weighing about 100gram, he is the size of an apple now. We could see his(or her) bone structure that is well developed.

I breathed a sigh of relieve.

I know I am paranoid but it’s hard not to be when I am not plagued with morning sickness, any form of distress that was caused by pregnancy and the absence feeling of a little being growing inside me. So seeing little Jorgito was really a reassurance of his/her existence 🙂

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Malaysia is where home is

I didn’t realize how much I miss Malaysia until I am home for a couple of days.

After almost a year in Bangkok, it’s easy to be convinced that the grass is greener in Bangkok. Why wouldn’t it be?
– local produce and locally made household items are much cheaper than Malaysia (and fresher)
– convenient store like 7/11 and Family Mart can be found at any corner.
– dairy products by CP are fresher and can be found in any convenient store
– taxi are 24 hours without midnight charges
– taxi rate is ridiculously cheap
– people are generally nicer and eager to please. Especially in the service line down to street vendors
– street food are delicious,fresh and cheap
– easier to get around with MRT, BTS, taxis and motorbike taxis

After a few days in Malaysia, I realized that even though Malaysia is a nation with myriad of troubles , it is still home and probably a better choice to raise a child.

Funny now that I’ve step out of the normality of everyday Malaysian life and start to reflect how Malaysia has shaped me, I realized that being Malaysian, we are actually more worldly, open minded, determine, hardworking that our Asians neighbors.

Being brought up in a culturally diversify country, we are color blind towards skin, eye and hair colour. Infact, being surrounded by people of various background, ethnicity and culture created the curiosity to explore the world and a thirst of everything unknown. Our linguistic ability is admirable, most of us are trilingual with at least basic conversational skills of English, Bahasa, Chinese (Mandarin, Hokkien, Hakka, Cantonese etc). Out taste buds has been trained to savour any kind of cuisine and we are adaptable with the ability to survive in any part of the world.

So, after 4 days 3 nights in Malaysia last week, I couldn’t help but entertain the thought of possibly moving back to Malaysia after little Jorgito is born. Maybe not immediately but surely when he is old enough to go to school. Because I want him (or her) to have the right foundation to a great adventure in life.

Blood and urine test results

The last time I had my blood tested for HIV was when I was 19. So you can imagine how terrified I was when the doctor told me that it was compulsory for a blood test to ensure that I am free of HIV and other possible transmitted disease through the blood stream to the baby.

I was emotionally vulnerable in my 20s, confused and did a lot of things that I wasn’t proud of. I also didn’t think that I’ll ever meet my soul mate let alone have children of my own. You see, I was prepared to stay single for the rest it my life. So I guess it was easier to not think about the possibility of contracting any sexually transmitted disease. After all, what you don’t know can not hurt you.

That’s what I thought.

After having tubes of blood extracted from my veins for lab test, I realized what a fool I have been for not getting tested earlier. A fool for possibly putting a unborn child in danger.

That week of waiting was agonizing. It even crossed my mind to terminate the pregnancy if by any chance my blood wasn’t clean and if there isn’t any vaccine available for my unborn child…

The day finally came for me to collect my blood and urine test result…Waiting for my name to be called into the doctor’s office was excruciating.

Then my name was called.

In the doctor’s office, he asked what brought me to the hospital since my next appointment wasn’t due till 21 July. After I told him that I wanted to collect my blood and urine test result, he opened my file and said: ‘Your results are normal.’ Before explaining to me that I’m HIV negative, free from hepatitis and no transmitted disease detected in my blood and urine sample.

I couldn’t believe my ears. I was so happy that I almost jump off my seat!

This has truly been a miracle. Thank you, whoever that is watching over me 🙂